The other day we discovered that Jennifer and I could graduate by next fall and not have to survive another hellish winter in Spokane. Originally, we had planned to move a little faster than usual and graduate by the end of Winter 2010 but that would mean another winter in Spokompten. Really, the best seasons are Fall and Spring over here because they are most like the Pacific Northwest weather we so love. We disused the idea and mapped out a strategy in order to accomplish it. What it would take is for me to take 20+ credits a quarter. That is 4+ classes, which I could do it but the stress would be high and could have a toll on our relationship. I have, by the grace of God, which was and is received by faith in Jesus Christ and his death and Resurrection, outperformed even my own expectations as far as success in my classes. Unfortunately, as Jennifer and I discussed the option of graduating by Fall 2009, she helped me realize that I tend to want to move rather quickly.
I do not believe that moving quickly is bad; in fact, I truly believe that the fast eat the slow and that success often depends on our ability not just to outperform but to move fast, strong, and hard. Yet, just as if I were running a race, I still need to pace myself. Jennifer mentioned that I might not perform as well, which could lead to despair, anxiety (which I am prone to) or my needing to retake classes (which would actually slow us down).
I also came to realize that my rush could be outside of the will of God. As a reformed Christian, I often tell people that judging the will of God is not too difficult. I say it that way because a within the reformed tradition we do not necessarily wait for voices in our head but instead judge by more subtle and important signs. We most often can discover it through reading scripture and prayer to guide our hearts (1 Tim. 3:16). We also judge by your deepest desires, for example, I know I want to be a pastor because I get high off of talking about and writing about and debating about and reading about and listening to sermons about Jesus and the Bible. In fact, I love those things so much that I am almost antisocial in my drive to spread the word of Jesus on campus, because I fanatically, frantically, and adamantly freakishly speaking out about Jesus! Logical conclusion from scripture is that I received those desires from God (Psalm 37:4; 1 Peter 1:21-2:3).
Secondly is by the wise council of those who love us most and only want what is best for us. Not just that but those who call us to repentance and speak to us out of a Bible saturated and godly wisdom (meaning we should listen primarily to those who have their noses in the Bible and humility in their hearts). What my beautiful bride pointed out was that essentially God has moved us here, and we believe we are learning from Him such things as faith, dependence upon Him alone, independence as a couple and humility. He is also trying to teach us that our joy is rooted in Him alone and is independent of location, life circumstance and life situation/occupation. She pointed out that such a frantic drive to graduate at the cost of out own joy and relationship is directly opposed to the will of God. That essentially, like Jonah, we would be running from His will and the situation in which He has placed us. We would be running so fast and hard that God may not be able to prepare us for life in ministry or my own career the way He intends to. For example, I want to do an internship, take a class on writing (specifically research books), a class on public speaking to mass audiences, a class on leadership w/in complex organizations, and a class on creating cultural change. If I attempted to graduate too early, I will not be able to do half of those things. In addition, I need to savor this time in my life and use it to spread Jesus to a people bound for eternity apart from Him.
Can we ultimately change the will of God? No, if you do something contrary to His desire, he still has a plan for how to use you, he knew it would happen and he created you anyway and let you do it. The Bible says he foreknew you before the creation of the world (1st Peter 1:1-2; Rom. 8:29, 11:2). Do not think you are outside of the will of God...ever. God is God, and He is Sovergne. John Piper said it well, both sin and evil, good and benevolence are all used by God to accomplish His good will. His will for example was to create people and then save them from themselves by dyeing on the cross. To paraphrase John Piper, To speak of God's supreme sovereignty is to say that He does not suffer that which He does not will. On the other hand, can you disobey God? Yes, as strange as this may sound, although God is in control, he allows us freedom to interact with His will. By graduating in fall, we would be. We will trust in God to prepare us for a future with Him, doing His ministry, and obeying His living word.
In future posts, I, Neil, will explain the will of God in our life’s better. How we have failed to follow Him, but how He was faithful in providing and protecting us. We are so happy to have discussed this, prayed about this and followed God's lead on this. We are so thankful for the grace God has provided us in this and will seek only to honor Him in all we do. Please be praying for us as I seek full time ministry. Pray also that we may continue to live in repentance, prayer, and scripture. Lastly I am going to be applying for a job in 2-3 quarters, be praying that I am not anxious, which is a sin (Phil. 4:6) but instead that I understand and follow the will of my God and savior Jesus Christ.
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